Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Four great reasons we regret having kids

Does anyone else sometimes throw down the towel and yell I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK! You just got a serious case of the ‘Grass is greener on the other side’ syndrome. But was it greener? Lets take a look back and see aye?

1st reason why we want to throw them back - although not literally because that would be completely unfair a second time!!!
“I miss going out”

It is such an effort paying a babysitter, finding the energy or even enthusiasm to trudge to the local cinema these days let alone partying. When you do it’s not that enjoyable anyway realizing that you could be spending the same money on next weeks grocery bill.

Spending quiet nights in or 'family outings' is as good is it gets for you right now.....

But do you really want to go out and spend xxxx amount of dollars, vomit your stomach lining out and end up naked on a park bench? 

No you say? You say now "I don't want to get drunk, just a night out would be nice." I call B.S.!!! You want to go out, piss it up, drunk dial your ex boyfriend to tell him that you are still in love and dance with your mirror self all night long! Yea.... it's not going to end well and if you didn't do this in your teens you are just going to be that weird, sleezy cougar in the corner that everyone is yelling "Go home Aunty, Your Drunk!!!!!"

2nd Reason

"I miss the sex"

Are you missing that roaring lust filled love making you use to partake in! Is it all 'crap have we have we just woken her" or hurrying through before she starts screaming! Lacking the passion and fire in your love life? You're preaching to the choir here!

However have you not heard the old rhyme "First comes love, second comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage." You can't have your cake and eat it too! If you are having wild sex nineteen times a day, you are going to slip up buddy and then comes a baby in a baby's carriage.

3rd Reason

"I miss the me time"

So long weekend is it?? Oh cool! How about the easter bunny pops around and changes the nappies and spends the day entertaining the children? 

How about we go on holiday? What's that? The hotel doesn't appreciate screaming children?

"That bubble bath went cold I was in there for so long" said no mother ever!
Instead its all about hacking at your legs while keeping the waterfall of shampoo out of your eyes and ignoring the screaming baby that you have left in the portacot. Talk about Seeeexxxxyyyy!!!

As a parent you just don't get 'me' time..... at all.... ever.... zilch.

What you do get is snuggles, smiles, giggles and gas, lots of gas.

4th Reason
"I miss having space"

So you are no longer 'No Friend Nigel', in fact if anything you wish your second Aunty twice removed would stop dropping around every five minutes when you finally got a little nap out of your little one. You should feel so loved with sooo many people filling your house, and attending every little event of your life, oh wait no they were just calling by to see how the wee one was? "My how she's grown in the last hour" they say.

You and your family have never been closer, 'a little too close', as in NO BOUNDARIES. Zilch. I'm horribly reminded of the conversation my aunty had with me a couple of weeks ago about how I should be 'putting out' (*Shudder*) more for the spouse...... talk about awkward!
However a few days ago I was talking to my grandad and realised that family won't be around forever and it's nice having the extra hand, opinion, shove or however else you wish to interpret it.

In all honesty the drunk, sex-crazed, no friend nigel of  the past seems the best place for it to stay as it seems I lack a certain desire to revisit it now. Next time I throw down that towel, it might just be into the laundry basket heading to the line like the domesticated "Mother" I've become! 

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The importance of mothers

With mother's day coming up (in NZ), I have taken the time out to remember the importance of the mother role within a child's life.

                             My Mum and I 

My mother left us far too early when I was just 12 and although everyone thinks that "Mothering" just finishes when children turn 18 or leave home, the amount of things I realized she missed out on in the past 12 years has been astonishing. Not just the big moments but also the little things she did to keep our family close.

Role model- No matter how much they turn their nose up at your style, your children think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember mum use to diet and I use to be confused as to why, because she was absolutely perfect and flawless in my eyes. Children's Self-image is learnt from example, share your inner confidence with them to give them a better idea of what inner & outer beauty can mean.

Opinion- Nobody's opinion matters more than a mothers, failures can be made 100x worse by adding a mother's disappointment in the mix. However things always look brighter when a mother is first to forgive. Constructive criticism in a loving fashion is probably the best way to get a point across.

Encouragement- Nothing beats having your mother there every Saturday morning watching and cheering at the early netball game, or in the front row at your piano recital. Even though they might not seem to appreciate anything now, children will treasure these memories for the rest of their lives.

Learning about Love- The most important thing any child learns from their mum is love. How to love, be loved and treat those they love. Those sporatic hugs, giggles and kisses you share in the early years will be focus of much happiness in the later years of life. Teaching healthy relationship building is an important factor for their future relationships.

Potential- Children will only limit themselves depending on the way their mother limits themselves. I suggest getting handy around the house, not limiting gender roles and having some fun along the way. This will teach your child that no matter their gender, age or any other factors, if they want to be something, they just have to work for it.

I have only touched on the few ways that mothers shape their daughters, and when you are having one of those days where you feel a little useless, feel free to touch base on here and realize that you someones whole world and even after you're gone, they will never forget how blessed they are for having you as a mother.

Happy Mother's day NZ

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Born to be a mother..... NOT!

In life there are a lot of people you see that you know are going to make great mothers. Those caring, gentle souls that are impossible to dislike and are far to optimistic for their own good are put on this earth to make wonderful mothers. But for the other 99% of the population, nothing about mothering comes naturally. However, if you are pregnant or a new mother and worrying that you might being doing have done everything wrong, revel in the fact that this alone makes you one of the most caring mothers around. 

Guilt- Plays a huge part in mothering. I have felt guilty all of about 2 times in the last few months. Once was when Summer fell of the bed when I turned around for two minutes. In fact I don't know who was crying the hardest me or her. The other time I felt "mother guilt" was when I realized I wasn't spending enough  time of my day with her instead I was catching up on my 'BIG BROTHER' addiction.

Let Go of the Past--  There is nothing you can do but learn from mistakes you make, forgive yourself so your child can learn to forgive herself to.
Vanity- I guess another word for this can be ego. I find myself shusshing Summer a lot in public because I am worried what others might think of her loud babbling but at home I can't think of a better noise. God forbid if she cries in public it's like my dignity has disappeared down the toilet. I've realised lately that I have to stop this, as when she gets older she will take it that I am disappointed in her and not realise it's my own vanity that is stopping her from having the fun she deserves.

Let them be kids

Disappointment- I guess this sort of falls into the vanity category. I notice I seem to be a very competitive mother for my own glory not Summer's. I get so envious when other kids reach a milestone before Summer. Walking has been a large thing where I have had to learn patience as you can't push her to learn this! At the moment she is fairly content on crawling her way to freedom and at the ripe old age of 1, I'm starting to see why I shouldn't worry!

We spend the first few years teaching them to Stand and Speak and the next decade telling the to sit down and shut up!

Having written these down in list format, I feel that I have started to address the fact that I need to make more effort in these categories to ensure that Summer enjoys her childhood as much as possible. In fact I would love others to share some self-improvement tips with me to help me along. Thank you so much for sharing in this moment of honesty from my part and I hope you all realise what wonderful mothers you all are!!!

"I read somewhere"

The most overused phrase used in the mothering language has to be “I read somewhere”. I remember one of the freakiest things about pregnancy was when my sister would ring me up to let me know about what she had read about pregnancy, birth or newborns somewhere that week. Gullibility is a definite weakness of mine, having landed me in trouble multiple times during my life. In fact it almost killed me when I was younger and my sister told me that spiders would nest in my mouth whilst I was sleeping, so I taped my nose and my mouth up with heavy duty duct tape and proceeded to fall asleep. Turns out you need both of these to breath. So when she rung me with a story of “I read somewhere that women who are pregnant pee their pants on a regular basis…. well I went straight out and bought some decent panty liners because there was no way I was having that happen in public! Little did I know that at 13 weeks I practically had nothing to worry about at that point.

Once I got past the supposed foot swelling, nightmare ridden, sweaty pregnant phase, I was so stressed about childbirth that it was probably a godsend that my little tub of joy came 5 weeks early. I had no time to read any text books, watch any dvds or listen to the several reasons why I should pass on pain relief! In just 48 hours, the only influence I had was my best friend, 10 minutes with my midwife and a 2 minute checkup hourly from the hospital nurse. This was probably the best way to have done it, no “I read somewhere that if you drink this [Insert old wives tale] labour comes on faster”, or “I read somewhere that if you push too hard you can damage your tailbone”

Pregnancy and Childbirth don’t even come close to the “I read somewhere” quotes about the Newborn stage.

Here are my favourites:

“I read somewhere that cloth nappies are just as simple as disposable nappies”
“I read somewhere that you just have to sleep when baby sleeps”
“I read somewhere that co-sleeping is a terrible idea”
“I read somewhere that Breast is best”
“I read somewhere that you can never tell if baby is getting enough breast milk so you should top them up with formula”
“I read somewhere that you should start a perfect minute-by-minute routine from the early stages”

Most of these contradictory phrases weren’t even backed up with any sources whatsoever or any reliable sources. But I just loved how if they read it somewhere or heard it from someone who read it from somewhere it was instantly a fact that I had to take into account as a mother from their expert non-mother opinion. Fair to say I become a lot less gullible when I became a mother.

There are two places you need to receive advice from as a mother and that is your GUT and INSTINCT! Well that’s what I read somewhere!